Cheating Women Are On the Rise

12 11 2008

Men are traditionally the most likely to cheat in a relationship, but a recent study has discovered that the number of women who are willing to admit to an affair has recently been increasing. Marriages occurring in the last five to ten years have shown a rising number of extramarital affairs initiated by women.

One surprising explanation is the rise of connectivity due to technology. As the New York Times observes:

“married women are more likely to spend late hours at the office and travel on business. And even for women who stay home, cellphones, e-mail and instant messaging appear to be allowing them to form more intimate relationships, marriage therapists say. Dr. Frank Pittman, an Atlanta psychiatrist who specializes in family crisis and couples therapy, says he has noticed more women talking about affairs centered on “electronic” contact.”

The advent of social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, and even micro-blogging sites like Twitter, not to mention basic tools like email and instant messaging, have all facilitated the ability of people, and in this case women, to develop and maintain romantic liaisons outside of their marriage.

Another important factor to consider is that married women are no longer staying at home, isolated from contact with other men.  Women are out there staying late at the office, having lunch with coworkers, just like men regularly do.  In a way it’s indicative of the  closing gap between men and women in the work place and at home.

It will be surprising to see how this trend continues to develop….


Don’t Call Me Cute

16 10 2008

Complimenting women is not rocket science and it doesn’t necessarily have to be poetry either. It’s not about inventing the wittiest remark ever uttered. Many guys rely on tired phrases like “you look cute” or “you’re so sweet.”

As we’ve discussed before, our boy Cyrano would never resort to a generic compliment like “cute” or “sweet.” At best, an uncreative compliment like that comes across as an empty gesture. You might as well insult the poor woman.

Earlier today I ran into a post from Suddenly Singles written by Single Gal. She has an honest appraisal of trite remarks like ‘cute’ or ‘sweet,’ plus she includes one of the most candid dating profile descriptions, or ‘about me’ narratives, that I have read.

Below is the excerpt that caught my eye:

“I am not “sweet” or “cute”. I know you may mean these things as compliments, but if and when you say them to me, I will think you are referring to someone else. I have lots of fine qualities – I am generous, I am kind, I am attentive, and I am thoughtful. But “sweet” does not fit. I am direct almost to a fault, and nary a work of sugar drips from my lips. I’m a happy person but I’m not a smiler. And, I simply am not “cute”. I can’t pull off pony tales or berets. I hardly wear accessories, and my looks are average, at best. I curse like a trucker. I am not putting myself down: this is simply the facts. If you call me “cute”, I will think of ponies and puppies. I will think of girls who wear lots of pink, and who are bubbly and outgoing. Be appropriate in your selection of adjectives, and for god’s sake, don’t say things you don’t mean because you think they will impress me. They won’t.”

It’s pretty clear: Don’t bull$hit Single Gal with meaningless compliments. Be upfront and deliver genuineness. If you think she’s attractive, let her know. Don’t falter about with useless adjectives. Describing someone as ‘sweet’ is almost as bad as calling somebody ‘nice.’ It’s a bland, safe adjective that makes you look like a fool.

I commend Single Gal’s straight forward approach to online dating. It eliminates a lot of guesswork and it saves you the painful process of trying to ‘figure out’ how to approach her (usually done through a series of recurring mistakes).

I wish I could find more women willing to express these ideas. It would make online dating that much more pleasant!

Read Single Gal’s full article here: Who Am I?

Girls Love Cocky Guys

9 10 2008

What is it about a smug, aggressive attitude that is so appealing to women? Whenever we search for dating advice on how to approach women, we invariably stumble unto some ‘dating expert’ who touts the fine art of being cocky. It seems there is an open secret that seducing a woman is about hubris.

The advice is pretty consistent: play the confidence game, sprinkle some humor, and appear unavailable. All of this magically combines to make you seem cool, attractive, intriguing. Does this really work? We might have to go out for happy hour and tests these techniques out…

TSB Magazine has their tips for how to approach women and start a conversation.

Great Dating Conversation

If you’re less worried about the conversation, but want to meet singles check out our sponsor:

When to Marry

7 10 2008

If you knew you were going to live to be 200 years old, at what age would you settle down to get married?

Image via J.C. Rojas @ Flickr

Image via J.C. Rojas @ Flickr

I’ve recently considered how life expectancy completely changed our outlook on marriage. In the olden days, people were lucky to live past 40. This meant that by the puberty stage, people were already looking for life partners to marry because at the end of your teens, it was likely that your life was half-way over.

We flash forward to the present and we see that as health care, technology, and food supplies improved, people were no longer getting married at the age of 12. The biggest change has taken place with women, who today are dedicating more time to themselves and their careers before committing to a lifestyle of marriage.

I don’t blame them, in fact I congratulate them for this newfound independence. Personally, I prefer to meet a woman who has experienced the sacrifice of providing for oneself and who has the tenacity to build a career. A self-realized woman who is confident is one of the sexiest partners out there.

I’m glad that we are given an opportunity with every new generation, to be healthier and live longer, but as our life expectancy expands, when does marriage make sense? I’m not sure that getting married for the first time at age 80 is the best thing, mostly because your reproductive functions are obsolete by then. If you are not worried about having kids, then I don’t think you can be too old to get married.

However, is there anything wrong to wait till you are in your 30s? Your 40s? The longer we live, the later we tend to get married, but where will the balance be created? There is no exact age when marriage is optimal. Marriage should depend on the emotional maturity of both parties involved, regardless of how old they are. If people waited to get married until they understood their goals, ideals, priorities, and insecurities, then marriage would be a more pleasant experience.

What do you guys think? How long should marriage wait?

Casual Sex as a Scapegoat for Depression

2 10 2008

Casual sex, a carefree indulgement or a depression inducing trap?

Image via Tom Godberg - Flickr masochismtango
Image via Tom Godberg – Flickr masochismtango

The Daily Illini brings us this shocking headline:

Casual Sex Can Result in Depression; Study Says Women Expect Romance

The study found an unsurprising result: women are more likely to feel attached to a man after casual sex. Only 3 percent of the men surveyed felt a casual sex encounter was the beginning of romance, compared to 18 percent of women.

“college-aged women who have a history of casual sex tend to feel more depressive symptoms after their sexual experiences than men do.”

Are you serious? I would love to see the comparison of people who go through college and actively wish to have sex but never have the opportunity, and compare their level happiness to those who engaged in casual sex. Who do you think is more depressed? Perhaps the headline would change to “study finds that people that fail to engage in casual sex are more likely to be depressed.

Many factors can lead to depression, but I find it hard to believe that casual sex is a primary factor involved in this ailment. I won’t underscore the importance of building meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex, but this study makes casual sex a scape goat for larger issues out there.

The most important aspect of casual sex, which the Daily Illini fails to point out, is the importance of expectations. If casual sex takes place between two consenting adults with honest expectations, then there are no misconceptions, no depression inducing anguish.

Wouldn’t it be easier to advise an open approach to casual sex rather than to vilify it as a cause for depression? It makes me wonder if the people conducting these studies have ever experienced casual sex and have come to terms with the experience. hm….

Seriously guys, take it easy!

Our recommendation: keep it casual at

Trading Laundry Duty for Sex?

28 08 2008
I'll trade you laundry duty for...

I'll trade you laundry duty for...

If you’ve ever visited a college laundry room, descended into those cavernous, poorly lit and inadequately ventilated lairs (why are they always in the basement?), then you’ve seen the haggard desperation in people’s eyes as they bungle through their detested chores. Separating lights from darks, color-safe bleach, quarters, softener, solitary socks forgotten in hasty retreats. It’s no surprise that many students would be willing to trade a little sex for help with the tediousness of laundry.

According to CNN, a recent study of 475 undergraduates at the University of Michigan found that “27 percent of the men and 14 percent of the women who weren’t in a committed relationship had offered someone favors or gifts — help prepping for a test, laundry washing, tickets to a college football game — in exchange for sex.”

College can be pretty stressful, and the prospect of getting a favor AND getting some action sounds like quite the bargain, except for that whole, selling your body part. But don’t mistake those bright college years with pleasure rife as the only place where people are making these sexy trades. People use these tactics at work, at home with their significant others, and quite often, at home with non-significant others, as CNN can attest:

“Ben Corbett, a 39-year-old contractor from Boulder, Colorado, credits his tool belt with prompting the barrage of come-ons he fields from female clients — most of them married — on a regular basis.” CNN: Bartering Sex for Stuff or Services

What loathsome task, desirable gift, or opportunity would you be willing to trade in exchange for sex? I don’t know if I have an answer, but that tool belt sounds like a good idea right about now.

Reasons to Stay Single

26 08 2008

Coming from down under, these Australian girls surprise us with their shout out to those females in ‘singledom.’ To their advice, we respond:

Aussie Aussie Aussie!

Oi Oi Oi!

10 Reasons to Stay Single

For some reason, this SavvyMiss got it all wrong. We agree with her basic premise, that being single is not a sickness. However instead of telling you why you should be single, she tells you HOW to get single. It’s reminiscent of How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days, except a much more confusing and effective approach.

Here at Marriage Can Wait, we encourage you to celebrate your single status, but please, don’t torture your current partner just to get out of the relationship.

Read with care: How to stay single?