Madonna’s Split A Good Warning

I’ve heard this advice several times, “you want for your life to be an example to others, not a warning.” Madonna and Ritchie’s recent split a.k.a legal filing for divorce, stands as a strong warning on how things can go very bad in marriage.

The link will take you to The Telegraph’s article on Madonna’s oppressive and rigid rules and just down unattractive actions. I mean really!?! Sleeping on a vat full of creams each night? I can hear it now “so sorry baby I’m not in the mood, since I’m already wrapped in a sack full of creamy crap.”

Then good ‘ol guy rolls over bummed out, thinking: “we’ll I’ll just turn on the tube for a minute.” Guess what? WRONG! Not in Madonna’s house! No TV for you sir. How freaking miserable.

So let yet another disastrous celebrity marriage stand as good warning! Please, take your time and proceed with caution as you approach marriage!

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Sexist Language: Uxorious

Is the English language sexist? One example that’s always cracked me up is the word uxorious, defined as: having or showing an excessive or submissive fondness for one’s wife.

The concept makes sense, the idea that a man can be overly devoted to his wife, potentially as a detriment to himself. Anybody who lacks balance and dedicates himself too much to a single idea or object will eventually run into problems. However, search your dictionary for a comparable word that indicates the same level of extreme dedication a woman might have for a man, and you won’t find it.

The English language reflects a double standard here, because a man CAN be too devoted to his wife, but it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to be overly submissive to her husband. Isn’t that a little unfair? We can all agree that no person, regardless of gender, should surrender themselves completely to another person, to the point of harm.

A healthy relationship finds balance, reciprocated sacrifice, and a willingness to commit to one another. From this parity a healthy relationship can grow into a happy marriage.

So with the word uxorious, is the English language being sexist, or insensitive? There is no such word that applies to a woman being excessively fond or submissive of her husband.

I hope someone can prove me wrong and find the precise word we are trying to define here (a woman who is too submissively fond of her husband).

Perhaps I’ll have to invent the word myself..

“WOW Baby that was Wild, Now Get OUT!”

So it appears that married couples want to get busy and yet still have their space! That’s right the “quickie” is moving to a whole new level. Married couples are  sleeping apart more and more these days, but still having sex together.

Looks like OnlineBootyCall.com’s First Commandment for booty calls, “Thou shalt get out before the sun rises,” works for married peeps too!

The Huffington Post has posted a short article reviewing this growing trend and has some great stats too. We’re stunned to see that people are actually having homes built with two separate master bedrooms! And we have to wonder, does it make the sex any better?

The Joy of Sex!

It’s Back Again, and better.  The Sydney Morning Herald brings us the news:

“First published in 1972, The Joy Of Sex went on to sell 8 million copies in 22 languages, becoming famous as much for its frank illustrations as the knowing prose of the author, Alex Comfort.”

The new edition comes with several updates and changes:

“Sections such as those on prostitution and chastity belts have disappeared, replaced with information on “the little blue pill” and cybersex, including internet dating and foreplay via SMS, email, webcams and teledildonics (electric sex toys that are controlled remotely).”

Did they just say teledildonics???  Wired provides a quick introduction to the subject, which is not as sci-fi and nerdy as it sounds.  In addition to advanced robotics like teledildonics, The Joy of Sex also delves into more practical advice, such as how to text message appropriately:

“Quilliam’s advice on conducting sex via email is eminently sensible: don’t get hung up on grammar and spelling, “yet equally, don’t aim to talk dirty – in black and white it can seem harsh or simply silly”.

Read the full story here: Girls on top in noughties but nice sex guide

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365 Nights of Sex

“When their marriages fell into the doldrums, two long-married couples decided to find out if having sex every day could boost their relationships.”

WebMD did a good feature and review of the book and its follow on. We recommend the read for anyone looking to improve their sex game, marriage, or just want to investigate. At MarriageCanWait, we feel that the only thing worse than marriage might just be a sexless marriage!

Bottom line, sex is so great it can even make marriage worth all the other crap.

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I Don’t: A Contrarian History of Marriage

www.susansquire.net

“I Don’t”

A simple enough phrase, but in Susan Squire’s book this pair of words represents an emboldened, wise rejection of the institution that marriage has become. When everybody else is lining up, idealizing marriage and romance, Squire goes against the grain to expose the absurdities of how the tradition of marriage has evolved over time.

Full of humorous quips and anecdotes, we’re reminded of why marriage can wait, if it even needs to happen. In addition to her book, Squire’s site is equipped with this peculiar quiz, which at one point asks:

4. Match the quote… …to the source:

a) “He who mounts is the one who gives birth.”
b) “Your husband shall rule over you.”
c) “The bed that contains a wife is always hot with quarrels.”
d) “The gaze of a menstruating woman can dim and crack a mirror.”
e) “Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.”
f) “Hope not for mind in women.”
g) “A wife should have no feelings of her own, but share her husband’s.”

Thomas Aquinas, Benjamin Franklin, John Donne, Plutarch, Aeschylus, Juvenal, God

We commend Squire for her intrepid, and contrarian review of marriage. Her research sheds light on the various idiosyncrasies we take for granted in marriage, with a sardonic narrative that never ceases to amuse. We’re glad to find another ally in the educational discussion of marriage.

Women: ‘Money Over Marriage’

The Press Association: ‘Debt more worrying than marriage’. That’s right guys; girls are more concerned about time and money than a ‘happy marriage.’

“Women are more worried about debt and a lack of free time than their marriages and careers, according to a new study.”

Well, that’s fair… Hell, I’m much more interested in beer and football. So, if the more money you have, the less you have to work, then the more time you’ll have. In this case, the real way to please a woman isn’t endless devotion, but money! Yes, sir, cold hard cash.

money, time, then love

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Marriage: A Dicey Contract

Dicey Contracts... Flickr:Topher76

By Moses Brown:

Some people think the easiest way out of their marriage is to kill their spouse. Frankly, I don’t blame them – after all, nuptial vows mention death as the only escape from marriage (till death do us part).

What’s the difference between doing life in prison for killing your spouse and spending life in hell stuck with your spouse? The only viable alternative is to spend years fighting a messy divorce battle in court, but who wants that option?

The biggest reason marriage can wait is so you can cautiously scrutinize the binding contract that ensnares you FOREVER. Contracts usually indicate that you owe someone either money or a service. By entering into a marriage contract you’re agreeing to owe your spouse for the rest of your life! Seriously?

I once signed a contract that obligated me to pay a retainer of six months. Within two months, I realized the contractor was ripping me off but I was stuck paying the bill since court would cost more than the retainer itself. Imagine if your spouse didn’t think you were fulfilling your end of the contract? Maybe that’s why “contract killers” exist haha.

On a serious note, in 2005 over 1,500 homicides in the US were labeled “Intimate Partner Homicides” by the redundant U.S. Justice Department’s Bureau of Justice. The majority of ‘intimate partner homicide’ victims are killed by the person closest to them: their spouses. Who knew that marriage was not only the leading cause of divorce, but also the leading cause of Intimate Partner Homicide?

I hope I didn’t scare you too much, especially if you’re already married. For you married peeps out there just try to make the best of it. Take a good look at your spouse and understand that you could bring out the killer in him/her. I would also come up with a contingency plan just in case your marriage doesn’t last. Think of the first thing you’d do and try to imagine starting your life over again, alone. It’s like hunting for another job after getting fired. After all, if you end up killing your spouse you’ll end up being alone anyway !!

- Moses Brown, CEO and Founder of OnlineBootyCall.com

Sex Dreams, Why So Hush Hush?

sweet, sweet, dreamy sex

I relish a great sex dream, despite their unfortunate label of “wet dreams” by stupid 7th grade health teachers. I find few things more exciting than those unannounced, yet enrapturing sex dreams. They happen far too rarely. Maybe I have better sex dreams than most people (many people only have symbolic sex dreams) or maybe not… but I do know that I am a vivid dreamer that can hold on to the memory and feelings of a dream for several days.

Interestingly, when sex dreams do occur for me, it’s never with someone I know, or at least, not an exact representation. Often, it’s only later that I realize who the person in the dream represents in my real life.

Yet, experiencing that moment in the dream, that person is someone new, different, stunning, and amazing… to be straight, it’s a like a finding a new fling, a new intense attraction, and this I love. Hell, many times I’ve actually been bummed to realize the person I had “connected” with in my dreams isn’t real and will never be a real part of my life. It’s wild, I know.

So, what does this say about our subconscious? For me, it’s not only a reminder of our extraordinary yearning for sexual intimacy, but also our profound desire to have more than one mate. There is a deep longing manifested in our dreams, where our conscience and inhibitions are not available to prevent our unvoiced impulses.

In this regard we can look at the conscious discipline required for a successful marriage. One must be willing to overcome these powerful wishes, a noble feat, should it be achieved. Plus, it’s not meant to be an exercise of a few months or years, but by the very essence of marriage, it’s meant to be a lifetime. For some of the “blessed” who believe in eternal souls, marriage signifies a devotion for all of time. Yes, a commitment to infinity.

I don’t presume to tell everyone what to do with their love life, or how they should structure their relationships. I wish only to caution, that the commitment to marriage and monogamy is truly a tough row to hoe.

So, we must take the hard-look in the mirror and see if we are being realistic about the choice to promise ourselves, to another, forever. It can be hard to do the right thing, but if you’re not up for the challenge, if there is any doubt, stop. Don’t rush, get right with yourself and understand what is required before you fail to live up to your word.

Sex dreams… why so hush hush? Simple. We are afraid to talk about our desires for sex, our desires for others, and admit the life we are living might just be a lie…

Finally, remember (and pay respect to) the people who do sacrifice lust, carnal desires, every day for their entire life so they can have real marriages. These people are indeed amazing; they are people worthy of our most sincere congratulations. Yet, this discipline is a choice, not a requirement to be lorded over everyone’s head.

Marriage is a discipline, and just like fasting, it should be exercised only by those who willingly choose the path and understand the sacrifices required to walk it.

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Bill Murray Bails Out of Plane and Marriage

The LA Times Blog coverd the story of Bill Murray’s sky diving adventure and recent divorce. How does your love life go so wrong that news stories allude to the crushing death that results after falling from a plane as a comparison to your marriage?

Many would gladly risk death by jumping out of an airplane, force an adrenaline rush so intense it would help them escape the reality awaiting them on the ground below.  For Bill Murray, his divorce to Jennifer Butler Murray cost him a pretty penny, including a cool $7 million just on the prenup alone.  Yikes. I think Bill will need an ongoing set of adrenaline highs to fully recover.  Maybe next week we’ll hear about his bear wrestling feats….