Madonna’s Split A Good Warning

I’ve heard this advice several times, “you want for your life to be an example to others, not a warning.” Madonna and Ritchie’s recent split a.k.a legal filing for divorce, stands as a strong warning on how things can go very bad in marriage.

The link will take you to The Telegraph’s article on Madonna’s oppressive and rigid rules and just down unattractive actions. I mean really!?! Sleeping on a vat full of creams each night? I can hear it now “so sorry baby I’m not in the mood, since I’m already wrapped in a sack full of creamy crap.”

Then good ‘ol guy rolls over bummed out, thinking: “we’ll I’ll just turn on the tube for a minute.” Guess what? WRONG! Not in Madonna’s house! No TV for you sir. How freaking miserable.

So let yet another disastrous celebrity marriage stand as good warning! Please, take your time and proceed with caution as you approach marriage!

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Marriage: A Dicey Contract

Dicey Contracts... Flickr:Topher76

By Moses Brown:

Some people think the easiest way out of their marriage is to kill their spouse. Frankly, I don’t blame them – after all, nuptial vows mention death as the only escape from marriage (till death do us part).

What’s the difference between doing life in prison for killing your spouse and spending life in hell stuck with your spouse? The only viable alternative is to spend years fighting a messy divorce battle in court, but who wants that option?

The biggest reason marriage can wait is so you can cautiously scrutinize the binding contract that ensnares you FOREVER. Contracts usually indicate that you owe someone either money or a service. By entering into a marriage contract you’re agreeing to owe your spouse for the rest of your life! Seriously?

I once signed a contract that obligated me to pay a retainer of six months. Within two months, I realized the contractor was ripping me off but I was stuck paying the bill since court would cost more than the retainer itself. Imagine if your spouse didn’t think you were fulfilling your end of the contract? Maybe that’s why “contract killers” exist haha.

On a serious note, in 2005 over 1,500 homicides in the US were labeled “Intimate Partner Homicides” by the redundant U.S. Justice Department’s Bureau of Justice. The majority of ‘intimate partner homicide’ victims are killed by the person closest to them: their spouses. Who knew that marriage was not only the leading cause of divorce, but also the leading cause of Intimate Partner Homicide?

I hope I didn’t scare you too much, especially if you’re already married. For you married peeps out there just try to make the best of it. Take a good look at your spouse and understand that you could bring out the killer in him/her. I would also come up with a contingency plan just in case your marriage doesn’t last. Think of the first thing you’d do and try to imagine starting your life over again, alone. It’s like hunting for another job after getting fired. After all, if you end up killing your spouse you’ll end up being alone anyway !!

- Moses Brown, CEO and Founder of OnlineBootyCall.com

Bill Murray Bails Out of Plane and Marriage

The LA Times Blog coverd the story of Bill Murray’s sky diving adventure and recent divorce. How does your love life go so wrong that news stories allude to the crushing death that results after falling from a plane as a comparison to your marriage?

Many would gladly risk death by jumping out of an airplane, force an adrenaline rush so intense it would help them escape the reality awaiting them on the ground below.  For Bill Murray, his divorce to Jennifer Butler Murray cost him a pretty penny, including a cool $7 million just on the prenup alone.  Yikes. I think Bill will need an ongoing set of adrenaline highs to fully recover.  Maybe next week we’ll hear about his bear wrestling feats….

Tom, Third Divorce Is a Charm

Hollywood celebrity Tom Arnold divorced yet another time, putting his tally at an inglorious 3. We won’t re-visit the details of his previous marriage with Roseanne, no one has figured that one out quite yet. This third divorce underscores the importance of waiting to get married. If you’ve already failed twice, why do people rush to get married again?

I don’t blame Tom Arnold entirely. At what point do you decide that a twice divorcee is worth marrying? They could have both waited, truly worked to build a relationship, then earned the title of husband and wife. Celebrities like Tom Arnold cheapen the idea of a marriage. If you’re not ready to settle down, then please, stay single.